So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Randomize
