I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
