i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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