My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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