if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
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