They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
My vagina is officially offended.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
