just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Randomize
