i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
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