...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
