the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
she smelled like a LAN party
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Randomize
