So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize