I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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