Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
Randomize
