my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I have aggressive nipples.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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