ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
