Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
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