paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize
