so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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