morning after pill = breakfast in bed
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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