I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
