I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Let's get the cat blown out
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
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