Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Randomize
