:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Randomize
