Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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