Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
babies were throwing up all over the place
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
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