When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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