I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Randomize
