Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Randomize
