Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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