Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
