i don't plan on having that self control this summer
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Randomize
