Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
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