bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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