you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
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