whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Randomize
