hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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