She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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