i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
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