There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Randomize
