I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
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