Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
