I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
