So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
