lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
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