have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
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