No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
I forget how to act sober
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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