Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
