also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
