Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
