I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Randomize
