TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
